When faced with no other options, no other solutions, and no way out (either permanently or temporarily), one perspective we can adopt is acceptance. Acceptance is not about artificially liking our situation or putting on a “happy face” when our internal, external world, or both, is not going as planned. Acceptance is not tolerance. Tolerating is holding your nose when taking out the garbage. Acceptance is acknowledging our limits of control and opening to areas we can’t control with a degree of curiosity about our ongoing experience.

It’s a massive step from contemplating therapy to reaching out to a clinician. Reaching out about something challenging and personal about what you are experiencing to a stranger is uncommon and can be anxiety provoking. The goal of this post is to help reduce the uncertainty and let you know what to expect when you reach out to me.

Central to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is what brings meaning, matters, and gives purpose. Values are the reason to change, to develop and enhance coping skills, to be willing to open to pain, and to move toward life goals in the presence of suffering. Otherwise, why bother?

Human psychological suffering is blind to class, race, ethnicity, social standing, income status, gender, or sex. Psychological suffering does not discriminate; it is universal. We can see this on the evening news, in newspapers, magazines, social media, and in our conversations with friends, family, and those that we are particularly not fond of.

Imagine you find yourself in a boxing ring as a fighter, and your opponent in the match comes out swinging. The other boxer lands a couple of hard-hitting blows, and they send you down. You still have fight in you, and you’re ready to go. What’s the first thing you have to do with your body before you can do anything else?

Imagine trying to have a conversation with someone who is distracted? Generally, they are looking at their phone, giving short replies, and overall seem to be disengaged from the conversation. Something else is on their mind, it is not what you are saying. This is passive listening. Passive listening can make us feel irritated and invalidated.